My Nation Failed Me

I do not know how to be an Indian anymore. What do I stand for? What does India stand for? Are we the sheep being herded across policies and morals? Are we pigs being fed to be slaughtered? Are we the lions, caged and whipped? No. How could we be?

In the past week alone, I have read numerous news articles that have disheartened, angered and disappointed me. From mentally disabled women getting raped and abused to a society of the offended, from scams to hanging prisoners in silence to creating a Hindu Rashtra. Should I go on?

I write this piece with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I am going through a string of negative emotions not only as woman in India but as an Indian. When do we take our space back? When do we stand up for the so called democracy we call home? We are heading towards a path where freedom of speech, freedom to walk the road, freedom to claim freedom is at risk. But what do I know? I am just a voice in the disgruntled offended republic.

No matter how much we try, the discourse of rape in India is still the same. How long will we keep placing the blame on the women? I as an individual should have the right to wear anything I want without getting raped. I should be able to walk the streets without being x-rayed with visions. I should be able to do what I want, I should be able to live and not ‘allowed’ to. I should not be ‘allowed’ to do anything. It’s my right!

People need to understand the dynamics behind rape. It’s not just about sex. You can buy sex, no matter how illegal it is. Rape is about power and exertion of that power over women. Rape is about the fact that the same guy who is taught that women are shit, has to work under her in a more evolved city. It’s about teaching her who’s the boss. It’s ‘I have a penis and let me show you where it goes’.  But what do I know? I am a just a woman.

 The newest conflict in India is about religion. I am okay with everyone having their own faith, then again, why would you care what I am okay with? Exactly. Have your religion. Stop shoving it down people’s throats. Stop telling people which religion to follow. Why the hell do you care so much? Why the intense desire to get dominion over other races. It’s the exact thing you are afraid the other religion is trying to do. Irony is weeping in a corner while you fight your battles. Then again, what do I know? I am an atheist.

When will we learn to take a joke? When will we stop telling people what they can and cannot do. I am sorry governments, that’s not what we are spending our tax money on. The nation is full of people who need your attention and you are fixing all your attention on a freakin’ roast? Why does it offend you? The hypocrite in you shouts at the display of vulgarity while you shag off to Sunny Leone? And yes, women, you too are party to this I-am-offended charade too. Why is your sensibility hurt when I know what whatsapp messages you laugh at? Answer me this, if you do not find it funny, does it mean no one does? Or do you not think other people’s opinions matter? Again, Irony weeps and weeps. And again, what do I know? I like anti-jokes too.

I absolutely do not know how to be a woman in India. I do not know how to be an India. I do not know how to be a human. Teach me otherwise India. You are answerable to the people who fought to free you. Don’t let your own subjugate you, when you did not let the foreigners do it.

Wake the fuck up India!

No India, it does not end with comedy. The fight will go on, and so will the resistance. Today, they are against abusive language and lodging FIRs while the MP who called all other religious people HaramZadas is well on her way to enlighten people more. They are okay with MPs watching porn at Loksabha but are against consenting adults abuse each other in front of again ‘consenting’ adults. The key word is ‘consent’ and ‘choice’. Who gives you the right to take away someone else’s? why this narcissism? Why the superiority complex? And finally, how far will you go to curb creativity in this country.

It does not end with comedy. It will filter through to music, writing, graffiti, art and all other creative mediums. Creative people have always had a way to rebel against cultural norms and dogmas. Are we becoming so insecure in our skins as to confront every bit of rebellion?

India is the land where millions fought to overthrow the British rule? We don’t like being told what to do, whom to marry, what to wear and how to live. Are we okay to be told how to create? Are we as a nation okay with censorship? As a nation, we have 99 problems and comedy doesn’t make the cut.

A nation where rape is a culture, violence is on the rise, religious extremists are vandalizing churches, love jihad has a Wikipedia page and where women are still trying to keep up with all the sexism, you care about what a bunch of comedians are doing to push the envelope of comedy in India?

Dark ages, here we come. India is buying a one way ticket back to medieval ages. I refuse to have to filter my thoughts before the ink is etched on paper. I refuse to give up my right to create. I refuse to stand by and watch while my fellow Indians are harassed for no good reason. And those of you who think you are secure, think twice. It can and will be you next.

Wake the fuck up India!

Public Places Where People Have Sex in Kolkata

Kolkata is beautiful and all and we are all very fast and loose with our compliments and sarcasm, but there are some aspects of Kolkata (like many other cities) which we absolutely don't talk about. Let's talk about the fact that couples deranged with lust resort to make love (lets go with that) in public places. Parks, Shikaras, and behind bushes...they have been everywhere. If you see an umbrella and sometimes two held up like a tent at a park, don't peak, unless you are perverted like that. 

So, here's the list of public places where couples have sex or vigorously make out. 

Central Park

 If you happen to ride the giant wheel at Bidhan Nagar Mela near Central Park, you might catch bird's eye view porn when you look down. People under umbrellas, bushes and some even go to the lengths of putting up mosquito nets. Central Park is that place where your parents would never take you to play, and would never talk to you again if they knew you went to 'play'. They would never say why, but you know they know.

Elliot Park 

Aah the beauty of nature. Elliot park is a truly beautiful place. Thick trees, bushes, plants and flowers and the occasional liplocks. These are the sights you wanna look forward to there. But again, please don't peak.

Nalban 

Now this is the place where numerous  sex tapes have been made. It has a trifecta of mating spaces. You can use the shelter of bushes, use the inside of a boat, or rent a room and have at it. 

Cabins of hotels Yes. While you are having a polite conversation in the open area, someone might just be bumping uglies in the cabin next to you. Some cabins don't even have doors, just a curtain!

Mangal Pandey Park

 According to sources, this park in Barrackpore sees a lot of action too. 

Old Cinema Halls

 Yum! Popcorn and a blow job! That's what you might get to see, if you go to the old, decrepit cinema halls where Mon Mane Na and Meri Biwi Khooni Hai (I totally made that up) play at random. (Suggestion of other movie names: Tappakti Jawani, Main meri Katil hoon, Miss Call se bachha ho gaya, Pati fauj mein Biwi mauj mein.)

Cyber Cafes

 Yes. The sanctity of the internet is no more. They are having sex in the cabins! Oh the blasphemy! 

I can't help but feel there is no lightness in our being. Or to be precise in mine. I feel heavy, burdened. I feel like my lungs are weighing me down and my heart is weighing me down so that I can neither breathe nor feel. I am stooping day by day. I am in constant fear of being one with the ground. People will stomp on me and not give the flattened vestige of me a second look. '

At times I wonder whether that would be so bad. Would it really be that bad not being noticed? Not being looked at and judged? It is the dichotomy of two worlds within my mind. I wish I could make up mind for once. Do I wish I was normal? On most days. Right now, I just want to be devoid of feelings. Devoid of thoughts. I want to be free. I want to be and not be in the same moment. I want to just float in the nothingness that takes me everywhere and nowhere. How lovely it would be to transcend all the normalcy and the farce of reality. 

The promise…

It had stopped raining a while ago. She looked at the tear-stained glass door of the coffee shop where they had a long standing meeting.

He was standing at the mouth of an alleyway, watching her nervously sip her coffee and look at the door with every sound of a customer coming in. It had been a year since they said they would meet at the coffee shop when they were finally free from their burdens.

She no longer wore the customary vermillion or her wedding bangles.

He walked home silently, with drooping shoulders, moist eyes and a box of diapers in his bag.

Winter

The will droops and withers

In slow motion

Breaking silently with loud cracks

Echoing through neurons and firing up

All the ice settled through winter

It is still winter

Can you tell?


The eyes drink in the confusion

Methodically with no purpose

Zigzagging through hmms and erms

Stepping on frozen toes

And blackened fingers

Shivering beneath the glazed pupils


The hands, they don’t move

Stricken in fury

Broken in heavy emotions

Bursting at the seams

The fists form

Digging nails into ashen palms.

Why I am an atheist

I was born a Hindu in a moderately religious family. Well, my father is a communist, but he never actively told us not to follow religion. He did mock all the so called Sadhus and Saints though. Anyway, I was taught to pray, to believe in God. I did. I prayed, I performed religious rituals, I fasted and I very obediently did not displease God lest he smite me.

I went to a missionary school, where I learnt hymns and grew close to Jesus. I started going to churches, I made a Muslim friend, so I went to mosques too. I grew up around religion. I respected religion. I believed in God.

I prayed for me, my family, all the people close to me. I made it to my teens with the belief that praying helps. I met awful people along the way, had my teen naive heart broken, was betrayed by close friends, read about rapes and murders on paper and still prayed. I prayed for goodness. I prayed for relief. I prayed for sanity.

Along the way to adulthood, I met new people, I was privy to new ideas, I questioned everything. I questioned rituals, religion, rationales and motivation. I started forming my own opinions instead of conforming to my family's. At 21, I gave my belief. I started a new life away from home, at University, studying literature and cultural studies, debating social norms and effects of religion on people.

It's funny that theism is taken for granted, but atheism offends people. It does not become a way of life. My family still thinks it's a phase. It's as if I am flirting with atheism and will come to my senses eventually. I have just lost the way. Often I was and still am asked, "Who taught you atheism?" I laugh every time. I am annoyed that they think I do not have an individual opinion. I ask you, who taught you theism? Would you still believe in god if no one taught you to? If a person was bred and brought up in an environment without religion, would he/she still pray? Would the person believe in an entity larger than the universe, the creator?

I started not believing, when I started believing in something more than my faith. I started believing in myself. I stopped relying on prayers and relied on actions. My mother told me, "Don't say God does not exist. God will punish you for it." The irony in that sentence still baffles me. It's hilarious that people threaten us with hell and the wrath of god. We don't care!

Living in India, right now, is the superstitious hell for us Atheists. We seem to have been pushed aside even in politics due to our lack of religion or faith in a creator. The politics of India as it is now is more than just the welfare of people. It is religion. It used to be a battle of ideologies. Now it is a battle of intolerance and ignorance. It is also a battle armed with myths and religious scriptures that are so misconstrued that it is almost believable.

I am not taking pot shots at just one religion. I am not selling atheism to anyone. I am just voicing my opinion against the organised corruption in the higher ranks of all religious organisations. Yes. I say organisations. It seems that everyone is out to prove who the better God is and whose God loves them the most and it is always at the cost of bringing some other religion down.

It does not matter when you practice your own faith in your home not bothering or hurting other people and their sentiments. It is when you bring religion into the open, shoving it into people's faces and up their noses, disrupting lives and livelihood that it becomes an issue.

Recently an NGO in Delhi could not help the  Christian parents of a terminally ill girl monetarily. The trustee of the organisation later said, "Agar aap hindu hote toh phir bhi kuchh ho sakta tha" (We could have still done something if you were hindu) Since when does religion matter more than the life of a 21 year old who is lying paralysed on a bed?

With all the Ghar Wapsi campaigns by the Hindus, there is also a Muslim leader saying, all children are born Muslims and then converted to other religions. I continue to see the urge to make people conform to the religion one person or a group of people think is superior. There is always someone trying to convert someone else. What happened to free will? What happened to respecting other people's choices and beliefs?

I object to your dehumanisation of people due to their religion. I object to your crassness in the celebration of your religion. I object to your inhumanity. I object to your racism, sexism, elitism based just on your religion. I object to your society.

I am an atheist and happier for it.