Now she needed medication to stay the course. She wondered whether every smile that touched her lips were medically induced. It’s all chemicals. It’s all function. Finding herself was becoming a little harder each day.

She looked at the ceiling, counting the cracks and letting her mind drift. The song on the ipod was droning on in her ears. She never really listened to lyrics. She liked the hum of the music. If it made her thoughts dance, it was enough.

She had come a long way from the naive little girl full of impossible hopes and dreams and unrealistic expectations and views of the world. Now years later, she smiled at her cynical self. She had gone through the worst. Breakups, heart breaks, betrayals, failure, disappointment and yet somehow she was proud of herself. She had not given up. She was still here, wasn’t she?

Slowly she realised she had lost the habit of justifying herself too. Why would she? Did she need to? She always was the fiercely independent woman and maybe she had drifted from the path a bit. However, now she was coming back, bit by bit. Every step she took was an effort she could not possibly explain to anyone. It was all chemicals mixed with emotions that run on rainbows and unicorns.

Understanding her was a difficult feat and it was high time she gave up trying to make people see things her way. It’s much easier to do things than to get people along with you with persuasion.

The ipod was still humming a song in her ears. She tried concentrating on the lyrics. Then a minute later she got up to make some tea and thought of painting her thoughts on paper. She was sure she would end up watching a sitcom.